John and Vriska watch Knowing
by teslashark
Summary: This is a story simply about John and Vriska watching Knowing together, after Act 7. You know sooner or later this incident will happen, and it will be hilarious. Also posted on Spacebattles forum.
1. 26 minutes

Clarification: This story is not intended to be a piece of real person fiction; No real persons serve as characters in this story.

Disclaimer: No copyright of _Homestuck_ , _Knowing_ or other media products mentioned in this story is owned by Teslashark. This story is not intended to be a review to the Summit Entertainment movie _Knowing_ (2009).

Warning: Contains a bit of headcanon just to plaster some dents.

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Movies did more than making John Egbert feel alive; It made him feel that the world is alive. The time is August 5th, 2011, almost four months after he and the whole ridiculously large group of Sburb players returned from somewhere pretty bad. Three years on top of that after he entered it. Both meant he needed to see what was filmed in between.

Movie time wasn't a fixed term for him but for the past few weeks all of them had been afternoons, once he can afford to spare daytime again after sorting out "real life" issues that quantum mechanic interactions failed to do. When he exited the game he was automatically Jane's twin brother by all documentations, for one thing. There even are photographs by Dad to proof that these two kids coexisted for their whole lives.

Watching movies in the afternoon had a considerable bonus: He can go to bed before Vriska wakes up. For no apparent reason, she showed up at the home shared by John, Jane and Dad at the same moment they were relocated there by the system after the game's end. It's Pasco, Washington for God's sake! Some technical errors of Sburb may be involved, because Vriska doesn't seem to have all her faculties after she appeared. She just stood at the door for a few minutes in a victorious pose without even blinking. They rushed her into the house when she finally started responding to them by trying to latch onto John.

Ever since then, Vriska became a member of the family - Despite being nocturnal, outright unnerving, a hidden danger to re-ignite Jane's inner Crocker-tier darkness, unironically enjoying Dad's cakes. The last quality made Dad finalize his verdict on how to deal with her. She declared herself to be a long list of roles to John - from "mentor" to "girlfriend in the best dream bubble ever". Thanks for leaving out the most important role: "the one who built the monochrome killing machine who stabbed everyone including you, Dad", Vriska.

All John could do is pretend to not abhor her while they occupy the same room with Dad. He minimized chances to cross path with her at every chance, and kept asking Karkat for support. Vriska noticed his thoughts to some degree, she knew he has grown out of liking Con Air - but she just chose not to care.

The movie for today is _Knowing_ , made in 2009, the first in John's marathon to feature Nic Cage. No surprise, it's Dave who recommended him to watch it. Well, as long as Vriska can't sense the presence of Cage in her sleep... Then he heard audible smugness vibrations behind his sofa.

"John? Woooooooosh!"

She woke up six or seven hours early. Maybe she can detect all appearances of Nic Cage after all. Then, why hadn't she went off for Cage himself?

"Oh. Yeah. Hey, Vriska."

John hesitated for an instance whether to turn the TV off and abscond. He totally can watch it on his computer in his own room with headphones on.

"Wait for me to hit the load gaper first! Then I'll fetch the popcorn and the cake."

"...Fine. Tick tock tick, Vriska."

John sighed. It should be fine.

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The movie opens with elementary school kids drawing their pictures of the future. It was the idea from the most bullied kid of the flock.

"Cool."

She's the rebel and artisticky one. She'll grow up like Dave, John guessed. Wait, did she only draw a clusterfuck of tiny numbers? That's a long way from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

"Huh?"

"Is she Human Terezi or something? It's a bunch of number and there are not enough 8s!"

Vriska spurted between bites of Betty Crocker Brownies.

"It's all right. This is a mystery film anyw..."

Vriska shoved a piece of cake into his mouth. He closed it before she can push the cake in with her fingers.

"Mystery? Maybe we should get Aradia a disc too. Oh look! They're burying the drawings! Let's get Aradia a disc."

The school band in the movie was playing _Jupiter_ by Gustav Holst. John recognized the tune from the first few beats - all thanks to dad and his collection of music before the rock age. Maybe this movie will even have The Ink Spots and the Computer-Lid-Face-Guy too.

"I heard my country calling, away across the sea..."

Wait, did Vriska know the piece too? She started singing to it!

"Where did that came from?"

"Across the waste of waters, she calls and calls to me... Oh! It's the Alternian imperial anthem."

John felt like there could be a bad joke set by Lord English behind what just happened, but it might also be parallel universe memories seeping into him. Why. The important thing at the moment was that he is legitimately scared about how hyperactive Vriska is going to be once Nic Cage finally appears.

"Shush, Vriska. Shh. Shhhsssshhh."

She quieted down just in time for the rebel kid Lucinda to go missing in her school. They both held their breath because the rest of the movie could very well be centered around solving her kidnapping and murder - that could be some secret message to the FBI or the Russians! That's dark but intriguing. However she is found alive although scared after a short tense buildup. Although she wrote another message in her own blood while hidden. Blood writing. That must have something to do with Alternia too.

"Wooooooooah! It's him!"

A free range Nic Cage appeared! Watching stars and grilling frankfurters. His son Caleb didn't like the Frankfurter part - having hot dogs every Sunday could be mindnumbing just like Dad's cakes; John used to like cakes when he was young, but after a while he realized he has ate more cake than white bread in his life. And then he realized he was in ironic hell.

"Take that food! He's Nic Cage! You don't walk away from Nic Cage!"

Vriska had formally started doing Vriska stuff. She had also started to lean against him.

Nic Cage was pretty convincing as a dad. The other John was a flesh and blood man with troublesome backstories John couldn't wait to help shoulder and gaps with his son John couldn't wait to help bridging. Vriska was probably more immersed in how good Cage still looks after so many years.

They watched Nic Cage's character, Koestler teach in a college without much comment; Science is Jade or Eridan's territory. By the end of the hellish long game Jade even knew more about Ectobiology than John does. The worldview he talked about? Randomness was the only constant in a Sburb player's life all the time.

"Oh come on... Let's just gamble together Mr. Professor. I'll share all my luck with yoooooooou!"

"He isn't a gambling man I think."

"Only people with plans for everything don't gamble! Except me! I have all the plans, all the luck, all of them!"

From a certain point of view, Vriska's plans and luck did combine in a positive way for her. Although, she took too many unnecessary turns and killed everyone including herself on average twice.

"Okay, okay."

They kept watching. Koestler pushed off a conversation with his coworker to get to his son's school festival.

"That man is his Moirail, I'm telling you. Though my senses also say they can be Matesprits."

"...Lay off the quadrants, please?"

"Heh."

The kids were handed the drawings made fifty years ago, and Caleb received Lucinda's mess of numbers. Someone was there peeking at him in the background.

"Is that Doctor Holliday back there... I mean Doc Scratch?"

"Who's that? Some famous Alternian man in history?"

"Oh. You don't know him. Basically Doc Holliday. Yeah hush."

Oh no. Caleb brought the number letter home against school rules. Maybe there's something he knows to correspond to it? Cage took the note away and banished Caleb to sleep.

"Nic Cage can be my dad if Caleb doesn't want him."

John held his mouthful of popcorn back hard from being spurted out. Vriska has problems growing up, he knew that, but there was just no end to it. Koestler is bad at expressing any kind of care to his son. Worse than Dad.

Right at this moment, John noticed the movie bringing out another old piece of music only he and his Dad knows - The lullaby sung by Caleb's mom was _Men of Harlech_. No, it's _All Through The Night_. Why do they have to sound so similar. At this pace, the next music insert would certainly be from the Computer-Lid-Face-Guy.

Cage took over the TV, drank like a LaLonde on Christmas, then finally went to study the note himself. Cage's acting captured well a man who lost too much to stop himself. There was plenty of emotions off screen to be realized and concluded. This man had a sudden interest in catastrophes because he can only rationalize bad things ever since one such thing happened to him. Though, the ridiculous thing at the moment was, Vriska gleefully followed his every movement on screen with her head. Inevitably, her horns kept bumping into John's head no matter which direction John leans to.

"Ouch! Vriska!"

"Sorry. Hey, I used to study disasters like him too."

"Huh."

(To be continued)


	2. 50 minutes

Continued! Special thanks to Anthony Kendall and Alan Bellows of Damn Interesting. Check out their awesome website and search "Westford". Donate to them.

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"Poor Nic Cage."

The next day, Cage or "Mr. Koestler" is visibly acting awkward because of very heavy thoughts, visibly distracted when bringing his kid to school. He also brought a copy of the numbers and some historical records to his workplace - He's desperate to find out why no one else have read Lucinda's letter and prevented the disasters from happening. There is a future catastrophe predicted for just the next day.

The backstory was pretty close to what John collected from all the details Cage let out on screen. Although, he didn't know whether Vriska's attention had caught the same or instead just wasted on how good Cage still looks after these years. The former might be fueling the addiction worse.

"You see that, John? It's the Haystack antenna in Westford! I've read about it on Damn Interesting. It's Alternia on Earth level of awesome. You Humans sure can do great things if you want to."

"Alternia is horrible! We have been fine for most of the time."

"Yeah, but these Humans aren't you. You know the story behind Westford?"

"...Shhhhhh. Let's keep watching."

Vriska returned to her dazed staring face although fortunately refrained from moving her head.

Nic Cage went to visit Lucinda's teacher right away after a fruitless argument with the coworker. He showed her the letter of numbers with a glass stain on it - from John's experience with the LaLondes, this piece of paper is bound to smell like whiskey. The background music for this part is more sad than mysterious; He wished it could be the Out of Africa theme used earlier again... Wait, the formal name for that piece is Mozart's 7th Symphony.

John chuckled at his thought of the old lady noticing the stain, but the conspiracy seems to be building up too fast to allow this joke from happening. The teacher revealed almost nothing except Lucinda didn't live long enough to be available for Koestler to interview. Murder as a cover up for all these disasters they are about to unleash all across the globe? Koestler had to head back home and start again with trying to find the workers who dug the letters up.

As Cage makes his phone call, a totally-not-sketchy outdated car pulls to his front yard. The people inside seem to have some kind of device to jam Caleb's hearing aid. This is intense.

"Hey John, it's Scratch again! With a buddy!"

The strangers reminds John of Roy Batty in Blade Runner. They handed Caleb a pebble and then peaced the hell out without further interaction - do the memetic men in black make threats in this way? Did they find out about Koestler's personal research?

"Didn't you say Scratch is more cowboy like?"

"Well, he had some mafia types working for him. Me and Tavros both know some Carapace gangsters."

"Carapace gangsters! That sounds like fun."

"You didn't ask much about my crazy stories. "

Koestler's sister came to visit him; it is revealed he isn't on the best terms with his dad either. He then broke off a conversation with her too, in order to maintain an all-nighter for news on impending disasters. John is starting to admire his personality. Though, what can he find anyway? Hardly any super science or cabal plots can account for natural disasters. The conspiracy better sound legit.

"He's still going to be my dad. One Lusus for each of us is enough."

Vriska must have noticed something in his expression too.

"Don't you have anything else to say?"

"What do you wanna know more about? Karkat and that skinny dream bubble guy all called me an apocalypse buff. Wanna hear about Alternian disasters?"

John noticed Cage noticing something on screen in his pickup truck. His film critic sense told him, no way nothing big will happen next.

"Maybe later? Something's coming."

"Roger, Seer of Movies."

Oh. The number letter said the next hit will be right next to Koestler if not right on top. He exited his car - to walk around to see what could be the cause of it, instead of...

"Abscond! Abscond! Why don't you run Nic Cage! It's gonna blow up you moron!"

"Calm down Vriska!"

Although John was pretty concerned by the downed gas tanker truck Cage was walking towards, he was more sure that he would be totally unharmed by this incident. There should be no chance in hell for this movie to turn into a revenge story featuring Caleb... Well, if it's Caleb thirty years later and still played by Cage, then maybe Vriska shouldn't blow up in that case.

Yep, the gas tanker is under control. And then... That plane came out of nowhere.

"Run away you moron! You can't die here! Abscond! Fucking Abscond! Don't die here! You're just a human! Abscond! "

Vriska's shrieks only ended when she started sobbing. Then she grabbed John's shoulders in the most uncomfortable grip John had ever even imagined. One voice inside him, maybe a past dream bubble self, asked if he should check his centralized memories from all parallel Johns for suitable exit strategies, but all reason inside him told him not to even remember having those memories. His sanity depends on not remembering, while his life might depend on the opposite.

The only option was to back slowly into mental paralysis like all three characters of the Koestler household. An unknown duration of time later, Vriska chose the same option and reverted to sitting petrified alongside him.

Cage checked the casualty number of the crash; it was 81, just like the prediction written by Lucinda. Then, the coworker from Haystack came to visit, only half for consoling though. The other half is still for questioning. John wanted too to make sense of what was going on with the number letter and how the Scratch men in black managed to cause them.

On the other hand, Vriska? She had the same expression of Cage. John permitted doing so to a degree since every Sburb player had seen at least a dozen of calamities no one should ever see.

Outside the Koestler house, the Roy Batty looking Scratch man watched. He didn't silence the coworker when the latter left, so that makes him a good villain, maybe? But then the next moment, he was inside the Caleb's room pointing a finger at him!

Did the stranger's accomplices set the whole forest outside on fire to eradicate Koestler for good? Despite the tension rising to higher than ever, John still also had to keep an eye on Vriska in case she throw off another rant. Fortunately, for the lack of a better word, she is still catatonic. Still seeing the faces of people who are still burning.

Well, it was only an evil-induced nightmare. The stranger had already left before Cage can race outside with a baseball bat and a flashlight in the most underwhelming dash ever. Seems the right term for this kind of awkward action is "N'arm scene", as John read a while ago online.

"You know, this can lead to some pretty good car chases."

John tried to cheer Vriska up when Cage tried to stake Lucinda's descendants out the next morning. She actually responded.

"Hmm."

(To be continued)


End file.
